Riddle:
Three American military veterans: Ron(Army), Terry(Army), and Ron(Marines) retired from their military careers and decided to go into business together. Using all of their engineering knowledge and expertise, the three veterans have revamped an idea for an old device, made many improvements to it, and are now trying to patent it under the name: The Ron - Terry - Ron device, or (R.T.R). They advertise it by saying, "The R.T.R is designed only for those who want to move forward in life, but never backward. It is guaranteed to get your heart pumping, your blood pressure rising, and your armpits sweating"(classy advertising by these veterans). The advertising continues: "The R.T.R. is for the person who tries to move ahead, but always ends up exactly where they started." The only problem with the R.T.R device is, to use one, you will have to ignore the Gadsden flag(i.e., the one with the coiled rattlesnake pictured on it) and its famous motto. Forrest Gump would be very proud of these veterans. Just exactly what is the Ron - Terry - Ron (R.T.R.) device, and why must the Gadsden flag motto be ignored by its users?
Answer: The three veterans have made some innovative improvements to a basic Treadmill design, and are trying to patent these improvements in the hope of selling their newly created device. Of course, these veterans realize that anyone who uses their new product will be violating the early Continental Marine message and motto of the famous Gadsden flag which states, "Don't Tread on Me". Just as Forrest Gump was encouraged to "Run - Forrest - Run", we wish success to these three veterans with the words, "Ron - Terry - Ron".
Riddle:
What kind of car does a pharaoh drive?
Answer: A new bus.
Riddle:
As an April Fool's joke, a prankster, who works in an assisted living facility, created a flyer and distributed one to each room of the facility. Here is what the flyer announced: Attention!!! All residents!!! Several creatures have recently been spotted in hallways and day areas of this facility. The primary creature seen is reported to be warm-blooded, is between 60 and 72 inches in length, and has three legs and three feet. There have even been rarer sightings of several of these life forms having six legs and six feet. Anyone sighting either of these two creatures should immediately notify the receptionist for instructions. What do you suppose the living organisms were to which the prankster was referring in his April Fool's flyers?
Answer: The "creatures" to which the prankster was referring, were the residents who used canes and walkers. Each cane acted as a resident's third leg, with a foot at the base of each cane. The rarer "creatures" were the residents using four-legged walkers with a foot at the bottom of each leg. These sums were added to each resident's physical two legs and two feet which accounted for the description of the "life forms" in the flyers.
Riddle:
I am a body part. I am same when spelled forward and backward. What am I?
Answer: Rotator.
Riddle:
What type of key opens a banana?
Answer: A mon-key!
Riddle:
What do you carry everywhere you go?
Answer: Your shadow!
Riddle:
"May Day! May Day! May Day! May Day!" shouted an angry wife to her cringing husband. "This is my official warning for you to remove that dead plant from this house before the stroke of midnight tonight!" "But it holds a lot of sweet memories from last year for me," responded her husband. His wife fired back with, "Today is the first of May, and you should have removed your precious plant from the premises months ago. Besides, it is both dead and brown and is now as sharp as a cactus, and to top it off, it has become a genuine fire hazard." Her husband sheepishly answered her by saying,” Well, I was hoping to set a Guinness world record for the family; but if I must dispose of it, the least you can do is help me remove all the shiny stuff from it first. What kind of a plant do you suppose this was which could create such a strange-sounding argument between this husband and wife?
Answer: The husband was having trouble parting with his beloved Christmas tree which was still standing in all of its tinseled glory in their living room, since it was erected in December of the previous year.
Riddle:
What kind of fish chases a mouse?
Answer: A catfish!
Riddle:
Why did the Army cook refuse to serve pie, cake, or ice cream?
Answer: He was afraid he'd be shot as a dessert-er.
Riddle:
Did you hear about the boy who went to his senior prom dressed in a t-shirt and jeans? He was arrested by the fashion police. What was he charged with?
Answer: Tux evasion.
