Funny Riddles Page 3 of 12 Riddles.com

These riddles will have you slapping your knees, rolling on the floor and crying tears of merriment as you share some of our great funny riddles with your friends. If laughter is the best medicine then enjoy a dose of our funny riddles every day! 1. Riddle: Why is Europe like a frying pan? Answer: Because it has Greece at the bottom. 2. Riddle: Samuel was out for a walk when it started to rain. He did not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat. His clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet. How could this happen? Answer: This man is bald! 3. Riddle: How do you spell COW in thirteen letters? Answer: SEE O DOUBLE YOU. 4. Riddle: There are two monkeys on a tree and one jumps off. Why does the other monkey jump too? Answer: Monkey see monkey do. 5. Riddle: A pet shop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears". Davey bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be? Answer: The parrot was deaf. 6. Riddle: Why did Tigger go to the bathroom? Answer: He wanted to find his friend, Pooh! 7. Riddle: There are 30 cows in a field, and 28 chickens. How many didn't? Answer: 10. Listen closely: 30 cows, and twenty-eight chickens. Say EIGHT and ATE. They sound the same. Therefore, it means 20 ATE chickens. 30-20=10, so 10 cows didn't eat any chickens. 8. Riddle: Why did Snap, Crackle and Pop get scared? Answer: They heard there was a cereal killer on the loose. 9. Riddle: If two snakes marry, what will their towels say? Answer: Hiss and Hers. 10. Riddle: Johnny's dad had told Johnny that if he could get an A+ on his final exam, he could get any ice cream flavor he wanted plus a pizza. When the day for the final exam came, the professor said, "There are three questions on this exam. You will have one hour to answer them all and no more. Anyone caught taking any longer or cheating will get an automatic F." When Johnny received the paper, he read the first question. As he read it, he realized the exam was no piece of cake so he worked as hard as he could. When he finally finished question one, he checked the clock. There was only 5 minutes left! At this rate, he wouldn't be able to finish in time. As Johnny looked around, he saw that there were hundreds of students and figured that he could get away with a few extra minutes, so he worked away past the hour mark. As Johnny went to turn in his paper, the professor stopped him. "Young man," the professor said sternly. "I saw you keep working long after the 1-hour mark. You were caught cheating and will get an F." Thinking quickly, Johnny replied, "Do you know who I am?" The professor stoically responded, "I neither know or care who you are. You need to learn respect and discipline." "Good." said Johnny and he ran away. When the day for the exam scores to be announced came, Johnny received an A+. How? Answer: When the professor confirmed Johnny's anonymity (the professor didn't know who he was), Johnny quickly slipped his exam paper into the pile of exams and ran off, so the professor wouldn't know which exam paper deserved an F. Congratulations on sticking through the whole riddle. 11. Riddle: Sometimes I am born in silence, Other times, no. I am unseen, But I make my presence known. In time, I fade without a trace. I harm no one, but I am unpopular with all. What am I? Answer: A fart. 12. Riddle: A logician with some time to kill in a small town decided to get a haircut. The town had only two barbers, each with his own shop. The logician glanced into one shop and saw that it was extremely untidy. The barber needed a shave, his clothes were unkempt, his hair was badly cut. The other shop was extremely neat. The barber was freshly shaved and spotlessly dressed, his hair neatly trimmed. Why did the logician return to the first shop for his haircut? Answer: Each barber must have cut the other's hair. The logician picked the barber who had given his rival the better haircut. 13. Riddle: What type of music do rabbits listen to? Answer: Hip hop. 14. Riddle: There was a man who wanted to prove his love to his wife. So, he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean and walked the biggest desert. What do you think his wife said? Answer: Nothing. She divorced him for never being at home. 15. Riddle: Why can't a pirate ever finish the alphabet? Answer: Because he always gets lost at sea! 16. Riddle: What has wheels and flies, but it is not an aircraft? Answer: A garbage truck. 17. Riddle: What kind of running means walking? Answer: Running out of gas! 18. Riddle: What kind of candy would a prisoner want before he is executed? Answer: A Life Saver. 19. Riddle: How did the pancake hurt itself? Answer: Doing backflips. 20. Riddle: A farmer has twenty sheep, ten pigs, and ten cows. If we call the pigs cows, how many cows will he have? Answer: Ten Cows. We can call the pigs cows but it doesn't make them cows. 21. Riddle: If fish lived on land, where would they live? Answer: In Finland. 22. Riddle: When does a British potato change its nationality? Answer: When it becomes a french fries. 23. Riddle: I am white, black and read all over. What am I? Answer: Newspaper! 24. Riddle: Where do you take a sick pirate ship? Answer: To the dock! 25. Riddle: How do vampires like their food served? Answer: In bite-size pieces. 26. Riddle: If life gets tough, what do you have that you can always count on? Answer: Your fingers! 27. Riddle: Is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one? Answer: Well, it's worth 99 more dollars. 28. Riddle: What animal keeps the best time? Answer: A Watchdog. 29. Riddle: Where do cows go to dance? Answer: The Meatball. 30. Riddle: How does the gingerbread man make his bed? Answer: With cookie sheets. 31. Riddle: Why do chickens lay eggs? Answer: Because if they drop them, they will break. 32. Riddle: Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? Answer: Because they prefer to eat their fingers separately. 33. Riddle: What happened to Einstein when he took a shower? Answer: He was brain-washed. 34. Riddle: Why don't cows have money? Answer: Because the farmer milks them dry. 35. Riddle: Why does a dragon sleep all day? Answer: So it can hunt knights! 36. Riddle: What is it that is deaf, dumb and blind and always tells the truth? Answer: A Mirror. 37. Riddle: If a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does it have on the outside? Answer: K9P (you'll get it eventually). 38. Riddle: What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their politics or religion, agree is between heaven and earth? Answer: The word 'And'. 39. Riddle: What TV program should you watch in the bathtub? Answer: Soap operas. 40. Riddle: What is the name of the ugliest tree? Answer: Yew. 41. Riddle: What happened when the rubber duckie fell into the bathtub? Answer: It quacked up. 42. Riddle: How did the farmer fix his jeans? Answer: With a cabbage patch! 43. Riddle: How do you clean a dirty tuba? Answer: With a tuba toothpaste! 44. Riddle: How do you send Easter Cards? Answer: By hare mail! 45. Riddle: A traveling circuit judge and a local constable had friendly discussions about how to handle misbehavior in their city. This involves burglars, robbers, cattle rustlers, drunks, and ladies of the night. The options they discussed were to put them in jail, run them out of town, warn them, or try to rehabilitate them with books, music, and art. Since the circuit judge traveled, much of this correspondence have to be by telegraph. One day the constable apprehended a lady of the night and telegraphed the circuit judge asking what to do. He described her as being young and having just taken the wrong path. The circuit judge wanted to respond to the constable. But when he got to the telegraph office realized he had only enough money to send one word. What one word did he send? Answer: Horticulture. 46. Riddle: Many years ago a boy and a girl are planning to run off and get married. But the boy got cold feet and needed to tell the girl. He wanted to send a telegram, but only had enough money for one word. What one word did he send? Answer: Cantaloupe. 47. Riddle: What's wide at the bottom, narrow at the top, and has ears? Answer: A mountain with mountainears 48. Riddle: What type of bean is a cannibals favorite to eat ? Answer: A Human Being. 49. Riddle: What is that which never uses its teeth for eating purposes? Answer: A comb. 50. Riddle: Where do sailors take their baths? Answer: In a tubmarine. 51. Riddle: What is a sheep's favorite type of chocolate? Answer: A Hersheys baaa. 52. Riddle: What did the baby robot say to his mom? Answer: "I love you watts and watts." 53. Riddle: I can run but not walk. Whereever I go, thought follows me close behind? Answer: A nose. 54. Riddle: What animal would you get crossed a duck, a beaver, and an otter? Answer: A platypus. 55. Riddle: What is the proper length for a lady's skirt? Answer: A little above two feet. 56. Riddle: When is a man like a snake? Answer: When he gets rattled. 57. Riddle: Which is the oldest tree? Answer: The elder. 58. Riddle: Why are opera singers good sailors? Answer: Because they can handle the seas! 59. Riddle: What snack does the Man in the Moon like? Answer: Space-chips. 60. Riddle: How can you make a fly ball? Answer: Hit him with a bat. 61. Riddle: How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint? Answer: He gets pale as a sheet. 62. Riddle: Where do Generals keep their armies? Answer: Up their sleevies! 63. Riddle: What do witches ask for when they stop at a hotel? Answer: Broom Service or A broom with a view. 64. Riddle: What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton? Answer: One longs to eat and the other eats too long. 65. Riddle: Where do Turkeys go to dance? Answer: The Butter Ball. 66. Riddle: How did the court know the judge was ready for bed? Answer: He was wearing his robe. 67. Riddle: What snacks do you serve at a robot party? Answer: Assorted nuts. 68. Riddle: How did the chimp fix the leaky faucet? Answer: With a monkey wrench. 69. Riddle: What does a stone become when in the water? Answer: A whetstone. 70. Riddle: How do chiropractors swim laps? Answer: They do the back stroke. 71. Riddle: Why do prisoners like to eat a lot of sweets? Answer: Because they would like to break out 72. Riddle: How are people like animals? Answer: We have bare (bear) feet, frogs in our throats, calves on our legs and bull on our tongue. 73. Riddle: What kind of sandwich sinks to the bottom of the tub? Answer: A submarine sandwich! 74. Riddle: What is the time-piece, That needs no winding? Answer: A rooster. 75. Riddle: What be the best way to escape the inside of a whale? Answer: Running as hard as you can until you’re all pooped out. 76. Riddle: What animal probably likes doors? Answer: A doormouse. 77. Riddle: What famous nurse wore her pajamas all day long? Answer: Florence Nightingown. 78. Riddle: What does a newspaper reporter use to dry himself after his shower? Answer: Paper towels. 79. Riddle: Why did the jelly roll? Answer: It saw the apple turn over. 80. Riddle: How do you get into the great lakes? Answer: With the Florida Keys. 81. Riddle: How did the hipster burn his tongue? Answer: He sipped his coffee before it was cool. 82. Riddle: Why was the dog kicked out of the flea circus? Answer: Because he stole the show! 83. Riddle: What does the artist like to draw best? Answer: His salary. 84. Riddle: What is the difference between a deer fleeing from hunters and a midget witch? Answer: One is a hunted stag and the other a stunted hag. 85. Riddle: How do hangmen keep up with current events? Answer: They read the noose-paper. 86. Riddle: What do bumblebees sing in the shower? Answer: BeeBop. 87. Riddle: Who robbed stagecoaches and wore dirty clothes? Answer: Messy James. 88. Riddle: What does a troll call his apartment? Answer: Gnome sweet gnome. 89. Riddle: What is yellow and sucks sap from trees? Answer: A yellow-bellied sap sucker. 90. Riddle: Why is coffee like an axe with a dull edge? Answer: Because it must be ground before it is used. 91. Riddle: How do you communicate with a monster that lives on the seabed? Answer: Drop him a line. 92. Riddle: What is the name of a movie about cows that attack each other? Answer: Steer Wars. 93. Riddle: When may a man call his wife "honey"? Answer: When she has a comb in her hair. 94. Riddle: What does a turkey do when it flys upside down? Answer: It gobbles up. 95. Riddle: What do ghosts do before they enter a haunted house? Answer: Wipe their sheets. 96. Riddle: How do you make an orange giggle in the tub? Answer: Tickle its navel. 97. Riddle: What do computer programmers sing in the shower? Answer: Disc-o. 98. Riddle: When was pork first introduced into the Navy? Answer: When Noah brought Ham into the ark. 99. Riddle: What do Japanese people wear to bed? Answer: Tea-shirts. 100. Riddle: When should you charge your electric toothbrush? Answer: When you can't pay cash.

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