Answer: In the dictionary!
Where are you guaranteed to find gold on St. Patrick's Day?
Answer: A rash of good luck.
What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
Answer: Inspector Bradstreet was dead. It was his body that had the knife stuck in it.
Inspector Bradstreet, a highly respected police detective with 25 years of investigative experience on the force, was in a room with four homicide suspects: Joan, Shirley, Dorothy, and Irene. He was in the room with the four of them for at least 15 minutes, but for some reason, he had not started interrogating the suspects, despite the fact that a dead body, which had a knife sticking out of its back, lay on the floor in the room with them. One of the four suspects had called 911 to summon the police at some point. Why hadn't this highly decorated and respected detective started his investigation into the obvious murder by questioning the four suspects? For what reason was he waiting?
Answer: The rookie police officer was assigned to patrol a minor league baseball game. Most of his radar readings came from his pointing the gun at the various pitches the opposing pitchers were throwing during the game.
A rookie police officer was working his assigned beat, but to make his job a little more interesting, he decided to bring his radar gun along with him. He began testing the gun by pointing it at various moving objects to determine their speed. He noted people were moving between one and three miles per hour; however, when he pointed his radar gun away from the crowd of people there, the gun suddenly read 80 M.P.H. Again he pointed it in the same direction, and he got a speed reading of 85 M.P.H. He continued pointing the radar gun toward the same general area for the next 30 minutes and recorded speeds ranging between 60 and 95 miles per hour. Considering the fact there were numerous people milling about the area he was patrolling, why do you suppose he never once reported any of these high speeds to his department? For the safety of all of these people, shouldn't a speed trap be set up or speeding tickets issued? What exactly was going on here?
Answer: I am (or rather, I become) Coffee! (Coffee bean also acceptable)
They grab me, carry me, roast me on an open flame, grind me to pieces, blast what's left apart with boiling water, then finally, consume me. This happens to me and my billions of brothers daily. What am I?
Answer: By Higher Perchase.
How did the chicken manage to pay for, 'A de Luxe' roost?
Answer: The closest Pizza Hut. Almost, if not all of them have red roofs.
Terry had just returned to Chicago via. American Airlines at 12 midnight. He was extremely tired after having just completed a seven-day bridge tournament in California. After retrieving his single piece of luggage, he immediately hailed a taxi to take him to the nearest Red Roof Inn ------ Terry's favorite hotel. As he instructed the cabbie concerning his desired destination, he could plainly see the Spanish-speaking driver had no idea what was being said to him. Luckily, Terry remembered some of his high school Spanish, so he simply told the driver, "Tejado Rojo," which means "Red Roof" in Spanish. The cabbie immediately nodded to show his understanding, and he began driving to the requested destination. Upon arrival, Terry, who was barely awake by this time, paid the driver and entered the front door of the establishment. When he asked the receptionist for a room, the response he received was, "Are you on drugs? There is no place to sleep here!" Where do you suppose the cab driver had taken Terry?
What is an answer that can be used as a reply to all sorts of questions from easy to hard?
Answer: Well, he was a little pail (pale).
Why was the small bucket not looking well?
Answer: They were two girls from a set of triplets.
Two girls have the same parents and they were born in the same year, same day, same hour and same minute. But they are not twins! How is this possible?