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With what two animals do you always go to bed?
Two calves.
How did the chimp fix the leaky faucet?
With a monkey wrench.
What would happen if a girl swallowed her spoon?
She couldn't stir.
Why do prisoners like to eat a lot of sweets?
Because they would like to break out
How do hangmen keep up with current events?
They read the noose-paper.
Who robbed stagecoaches and wore dirty clothes?
Messy James.
Knock, Knock! Whos there? Ivan. Ivan who?
Knock, Knock!
Whos there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan to suck your blood.
What do ghosts do before they enter a haunted house?
Wipe their sheets.
How do you communicate with a monster that lives on the seabed?
Drop him a line.
What kind of sandwich sinks to the bottom of the tub?
A submarine sandwich!
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