What kind of beans can you not grow in a garden?
Answer: He uses a Hare dryer
What does the Easter Bunny do after it takes a shower?
Answer: Her last name was Hubbard. Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to get her poor dog a bone....
A poor, elderly woman lived alone with her dog. One day she noticed her dog appeared to be very hungry, so she went to her food storage area where she kept her dishes and cups, to search for food to serve to him. She was surprised to find she had no food whatsoever for either herself or her dog ------ not even so much as a bone to serve to her starving pet. And so, neither she nor her dog had anything to eat. How often had these same circumstances occurred to this lady and her pet? Why had no one called Senior Services or the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (S.P.C.A.) to report these dreadful conditions? Incidentally, do you happen to know this woman's last name?
Answer: With experi-mints.
How do scientists freshen their breath?
Answer: The two police officers had given Terry a First Place Trophy for his having just won a Demolition Derby they had all just witnessed.
Terry was having a bad day, after having a bad week and a bad month. His long-time bridge partner had just moved away, and the stock he held in the Red Roof Inn Company had just taken a nose-dive. He felt he was ready to snap, as he climbed into his car and began to drive. Suddenly, Terry felt something snap but realized it was only a pencil he had in his pocket, but this mild irritation only fueled his pent-up anger. Terry stepped on the accelerator and headed straight for a green sedan, smashing into it and causing its trunk to fly open. He then put his car into reverse, and backed into a red mini-van, causing its hood to pop up and its radiator to burst, sending a shower of radiator fluid shooting high into the air. After continuing to smash into at least a dozen other vehicles, Terry's car finally stopped, and somehow, he miraculously stepped out of his car uninjured. Just a few moments later, two police officers, who had witnessed the entire event without intervening, approached Terry and gave him something that made him -- smile. Why hadn’t the police called for backup and intervened earlier to prevent additional damage from being done, and what was it they gave Terry which made him smile?
A young, aspiring musician who lived on a farm, had been given the task of monitoring the family’s livestock. The young lad was supposed to see to it that the cows and sheep stayed together as they had been trained to do, but unfortunately, as youngsters often do, he allowed himself to drift off and fall asleep beneath a pile of animal fodder, and as a result, the cows wandered into a field of corn, while the sheep made their way into a grassy meadow. Can you identify this irresponsible youth?
Answer: Irene is an Etch-a-Sketch artist who keeps her completed pictures on the walls of her home. One good shake from an earthquake, and all of her pictures could be erased.
Irene is an amazing artist. She can draw anything and everything, and draw them all well. The unique thing about Irene's art is she uses both of her hands to draw her pictures, even though she is not ambidextrous. Holding a round piece of plastic in each of her hands, she is able to create magnificent works of art. Irene, however, has one great fear in her life --- Earthquakes!!! Now, Irene is a mentally healthy person with a stable personality, so why in the world should this talented artist have a constant fear of earthquakes, which rarely happen in the state of Florida where she resides? Does her fear of earthquakes have anything to do with her type of artwork, and if so, exactly what type of art does Irene create?
Answer: Her name was Goldilocks, and she entered the home of the Three Bears without permission.
A blond-haired juvenile delinquent entered the home of a family while the three members of the family were out for a walk. Immediately, she proceeded to help herself to some food that had been left out on the table. Next, this young trespasser broke up some furniture in the house, and lastly, for no good reason, she went upstairs and deliberately messed up the family's sleeping quarters. Eventually, the family returned to their ransacked home while this criminal invader was still there, but she managed to escape before the family could apprehend her or call the authorities. Who was this juvenile home invader who got away with her malicious mischief and trespassing?
Answer: A rude word to someone.
What can be done but not undone?
I am today. I am tomorrow. I am yesterday. I am next month, I am last month. What am I?