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What is the time-piece, That needs no winding?
A rooster.
Would you rather have a tiger or lion eat you?
I'd rather have the tiger eat the lion.
Which is the oldest tree?
The elder.
Why can't a cook swallow his apron?
Because it goes against his stomach.
Why was the fisherman arrested?
For packing a rod.
Blend a teapot shot so the pearlies won't rot!
Toothpaste!
What do ghosts do before they enter a haunted house?
Wipe their sheets.
When is a bump like a hat?
When it is felt.
What does a newspaper reporter use to dry himself after his shower?
Paper towels.
My tines be long, My tines be short, My tines end ere, My first report., What am I?
lightning
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